


the most beautiful of dreams, the worst of nightmares

by N_Moonbreeze



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 15:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17563523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Moonbreeze/pseuds/N_Moonbreeze
Summary: Out of options and nearly out of hope, Sungmin trusts his beloved pet Mirae to bring light to his friend's world.





	the most beautiful of dreams, the worst of nightmares

 

Mirae tried to peek from inside the box she was confined in, but all she could see was two pairs of feet standing at the doorway of an unknown house. The other human was her current master, Lee Sungmin, but the other man who was still barefoot and apparently glad in pajamas was foreign to her. On top of it all the two of them seemed to be arguing about her. All in all, it wasn’t the best of mornings to the small-built calico cat, who pressed herself against the back of her box, trying to escape the high yelling voices of the men.

“You can’t just drop something like this on me Sungmin! You can’t just ask me to start taking care of a living, breathing thing like a cat on a moment’s notice!”

“It’s only temporary Wookie! Just as long as I have to be in Japan!”

“Which could be months! And you know I have never taken care of a --- wait a minute. This isn’t just about me taking care of the damn thing, is it? You are trying to…”

“Oh but look at the time! I need to hurry back to help Saeun pack our things. You have everything you need here in these bags, and I promise, she is very shy and quiet so she won’t be giving you any grief. I’ll send you some money afterwards to buy her food. See you when I see you!”

And with that her master turned on his heels and jogged down the road where her eyes couldn’t follow him anymore. As the familiar noise of their family car starting up sounded from somewhere behind her, Mirae felt herself be lifted up in the air, and soon an unfamiliar face was staring at her through the door of her box.

“So… You are Mirae, huh… Your master seems to have left you here without my permission. What am I supposed to do with you, huh?” the man named Wookie asked while sticking one finger through the door. Mirae offered a timid meow as response and the man sighed heavily.

“Guess I have no choice. Well, come one then. Let’s get inside…”

 

* * *

 

 

Ryeowook set the cat box on the floor and opened the small door. The cat just peered at him from her confinement, looking a bit scared of the strange man invading her privacy so suddenly. Ryeowook decided to let the small feline be for a while and went to the kitchen to fetch bowls for the cat food, only to find out that all of them lay unwashed in the sink. Sighing deeply, he filled the sink with water and washing-up liquid and started scrubbing in the eerie silence of the apartment. At some point he noticed that the cat had finally exited its box and was sniffing around. He paid it no mind until he heard a small jingle from the living room.

He cursed under his breaath and quickly dried his hands before rushing to the living room. Mirae was standing on top of the piano, apparently having climbed over the piano keys, and was now leaving tiny paw marks in the fine sheet of dust that lay on the piano whilst navigating through the multitude of framed photographs.

“Get OFF it!” Ryeowook yelled and started stomping towards the cat, meaning to give it a lesson. Unfortunately the small cat panicked at the sound of his yell and scrambled off the piano, knocking over one of the photographs. Ryeowook, being still too far away, couldn’t help crying out loud as the picture frame fell on the floor, the glass cracking in half.

Having forgotten about the cat he knelt on the floor, picking up the ruined frame. Luckily the picture inside wasn’t damaged, so he gently pulled it out. In the picture were two boys, both scrawny and awkwardly dressed in what they thought was the era’s latest fashion. The taller one was cradling the smaller boy in his arms, lifting him up from the ground as they both laughed freely. They stood next to a grand water fountain that was illuminated in all the colours of the rainbow as the natural light around them had vanished.

Macau. Their first trip together. Well, and Kyuhyun’s parents as chaperones, but nonetheless.

Had he yet paid Mr. Cho back for that trip? He wasn’t sure.

Was it already ten years? They were barely eighteen years old back then, so it must have been. It sometimes astonished Ryeowook just how much could one fit in only a decade. When they were young, a decade seemed like a lifetime, but now…

Ryeowook tore his eyes off the photograph, stood up and put it in the nearest drawer he could find. He didn’t have any extra frames, nor did he have any interest to go shopping for one. Even the nearest grocery shop was too far these days.

As he was taking the damaged frame to the trash bin he heard a small meow from under the kitchen table. He crouched down to see the cat lying flat against the floor, looking very guilty in his opinion. He shook his head, no longer feeling the need to be angry at the little thing. What good would it do?

“I’ll let you off the hook for now, but better be more careful in the future. I will throw you out if you destroy any more of my memories” Ryeowook told it sternly and got another small meow as response.

Sungmin owed him one.

 

* * *

 

 

_A shy cat my ass,_ thought Ryeowook as Mirae was circling the apartment for the thousandth time that night while Ryeowook already laid in bed, trying to fall asleep. As so many nights before, despite his physical and mental exhaustion, sleep eluded him, leaving him alone with his thoughts in the dark.

And then, after listening to Mirae scratch one of the kitchen chairs, too tired by now to go and forbid her, he heard it again.

_Can’t sleep?_

Ryeowook bit his lip and turned to his side, burying half of his face into the pillow as he stared at the empty side of the king-sized bed. As always, there was no one there.

“Why do you always do this to me?” he whispered into the dark room, cradling the pillow as merciless tears tried to push their way down his cheeks.

_Because you want me here._

“I don’t _want_ the sadness and pain your fake presence brings me. You could at least give me some happy memories to dwell on for once.”

As expected, only silence answered him. The tears finally began to fall, and as always, only crying his heart out finally brought him some rest.

 

_“You are here again.”_

_Ryeowook wiped away his tears in a haste and turned to look in the direction of the voice. A boy of roughly his age was leaning against the lamp post, clad in pajamas and a winter coat. The nightbreeze pushed his jet-black hair periodically into his face, but it didn’t stop Ryeowook from seeing the stranger’s curious eyes staring back at him._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“This used to be my secret spot in the park, but you have been coming here so many nights recently. You have taken my spot.”_

_Ryeowook, not sensing the underlining humor in the accusing tone, mumbled an apology and got up in haste to try and leave. But soon the strange boy was at his side, holding his arm so he couldn’t move away._

_“I didn’t mean that you should leave.”_

_When Ryeowook merely gave him a puzzled look, the boy plopped down on the ground and pulled Ryeowook with him._

_“Just make some room for me” the boy ordered, and pressed himself tight against Ryeowook’s side, looking at the peaceful pond that stretched before them. Ryeowook looked at him for a while in silence, until he nodded with a small smile, and they both sat there for a while in a comfortable silence. For some reason, instead of being afraid of this stranger, Ryeowook felt himself calm down in his presence, and his previous tears had long since dried up._

_“I often come here because my parents are fighting and I can’t stand it” the boy murmured after a while and shivered a bit as another gust of wind hit them._

_“We just moved into the city, and I can’t sleep here, it’s all too noisy for me. Also the neighborhood boys keep teasing me, calling my family_ ‘country bumpkins’”.

_“Well that’s stupid.”_

_“So is your parents arguing. They shouldn’t do that if it scares you in a way that makes you run into the night.”_

_“…I’m not scared.”_

_“Right.”_

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“…My name’s Cho Kyuhyun.”_

_“Kim Ryeowook. Let’s be friends?”_

When Ryeowook woke up in the middle of the night, there was something patchy and wet licking his cheek. As he opened his tired eyes, he could barely make out the outline of Mirae, sitting next to his head and licking the dried-up tears from his cheek gently. Still hazy from his sleep, Ryeowook pulled the cat next to him, circling her with his arm, promptly falling asleep again.

 

* * *

 

After waking up next morning feeling relatively refreshed and having Mirae still curled up against him, purring softly on top of the covers, Ryeowook had to admit that having the cat with him wasn’t completely without its upsides. He wasn’t ready to admit that the cat’s presence alone was doing any good for him, but at least he wasn’t going to ship it back in a box to Sungmin anymore.

As the weeks passed, he grew more and more accustomed to Mirae, falling into a day routine that revolved around the small feline. At least it gave him some resemblance of a purpose in life again, aside from composing his piano pieces that had become too melancholy for anyone with money to buy.

Of course, getting familiar with the cat didn’t mean Ryeowook appreciated the small… “surprises” that came with owning a cat. Such as the time when Mirae almost tipped a family heirloom vase on the floor, the sky blue one that Ryeowook’s aunt had given them as their wedding present. Or the time he had to go to the bathroom in middle of cooking and come back just to find all the spices he had used on the floor, although the worst part of that was dragging the vacuum cleaner out of the cupboard for the first time in three months. Before he had used it to the point of it almost falling apart, but lately…

 

_“Are you sure the apartment is clean enough now?” Kyuhyun asked with a snicker as Ryeowook ran past him with the smaller vacuum cleaner for the umpteenth time._

_“It will never be clean enough! These are your parents we are talking about! And I bet they are disappointed already because we are living in a small rented apartment instead of a fancy— “_

_His rant was stopped short by Kyuhyun grabbing his hand._

_“If they dare to comment anything on the apartment or on my choice of fiancé, they can get the hell out of here.”_

_Ryeowook blushed slightly at his words but put the vacuum cleaner down and stepped a bit closer to the man sitting on the couch._

_“You wouldn’t really. I know you are glad that they decided to stay together after all. I know they are important to you.”_

_Kyuhyun pulled him down to sit on his lap and put his arms around Ryeowook’s waist, embracing him tightly._

_“They are. But you are the most important one of all” he murmured and leaned in to kiss Ryeowook gently on the lips, taking his time to calm his fiancé. He wanted Ryeowook to feel that he meant every word he said. Ryeowook had become his everything, and he’d be damned to let anything come between them._

But there were some really good moments as well. In the evenings, as Ryeowook idly watched some new dramas from the television, Mirae would jump on the couch with him and purr loudly until Ryeowook petted it. Then he would lay on his side and Mirae would jump on him, making a comfortable, temporary bed out of his sweater by kneading it until Ryeowook’s side felt raw under the surprisingly sharp claws. Yet he couldn’t find it in him to shoo the cat away, as it had been far too long since anyone else occupied the worn-out couch except for himself.

 

_“When we get a bigger apartment, I’m going to buy us the most lavish sofa there is” Kyuhyun groaned as they tried to stretch out their tired limbs after falling asleep on the small leather couch, the end credits of the movie they were previously watching rolling already on the TV screen._

_“I thought you liked having me close” Ryeowook smirked at him and squealed as Kyuhyun poked him in the ribs._

_“I like being close to you_ and _not being afraid that I might fall off this thing any minute.”_

_“But it has served us well, don’t you think? It’d be a shame to cast away so many_ good _memories with it” Ryeowook grinned and kissed Kyuhyun along his jawline while trailing his hand down his body. His husband quickly shook off the remains off his sleepiness as he moaned in delight and captured Ryeowook’s lips in a heated kiss._

_“Fine, you win. We can keep --- mmhh… right there Ryeonggu…”_

As the title song of the drama blared from the TV set, Ryeowook trailed his hand along the backrest of the old sofa. It was one of the few pieces of furniture they kept from their old apartment after Kyuhyun completed his Master’s and got a fine job at one of Seoul’s most prestigious law companies. After only a few years they had been able to get a loan for just the apartment they wanted: over-looking the Han River, right next to the park they used to visit as mere teens.

But what good was the beautiful apartment now when his other half wasn’t sharing it with him?

Sensing her new owner’s distress, Mirae had moved right next to his face, purring, pushing and licking until Ryeowook’s breath evened out again.

“These memories… They will never stop coming, won’t they Mirae?”

He felt completely crazy now, talking to a cat of all things, but its quiet meowing managed to soothe his heart even just a little bit. Maybe he was being delusional, but it seemed that _that night_ was coming to his dreams less often and was being replaced by happier memories.

 

_“I love you” Kyuhyun managed to choke out, not even able to look him in the eye. Ryeowook’s breath caught in his throat as his mind struggled to process what was happening. Could it really be true? Was he sure he wasn’t dreaming?_

_“Say it again” Ryeowook whispered as he took a step closer to Kyuhyun. Now the taller boy turned to look at him, his eyes full of doubt, fear…and longing._

_“I…I love you” Kyuhyun said again and was almost tackled by Ryeowook afterwards as the smaller one flung his arms around his neck and burrowed his face in Kyuhyun’s neck._

_“One more time” he pleaded with a smile, and saw that happiness was overtaking Kyuhyun’s expression as well._

_“Only if you promise to say it back.”_

_Ryeowook rose up on his tiptoes, pressing his lips shyly against Kyuhyun’s. It was awkward and brief, and it was everything to them._

_“I love you Ryeonggu.”_

_“I love you too Kyukyu. Now and always.”_

When he woke up, he couldn’t feel Kyuhyun’s lips on his anymore, but it was still the best rest he had had in months.

 

* * *

 

Three months had passed since Sungmin had dropped Mirae on his doorstep. Fall had finally turned into winter, and the first Christmas lights were being hung up in the windows. After watching Mirae gaze longingly into the window of their neighbor, which sparkled in red and gold, Ryeowook took pity on the poor thing and bought some Christmas decorations for their home as well. Then he had decided that he couldn’t hang anything up before the apartment was spotless, and afterwards he had been so famished that he had cooked a three-course meal and given the leftovers to their neighbor.

“It’s the spirit of the season Mirae” he said to the cat as he returned, trying to explain his behavior to his companion. The truth was, he himself didn’t know why he was acting this way. Doing chores like cooking and cleaning felt…good. They made him feel normal again.

Made him feel like the world wasn’t coming to an early end after all.

A sudden phone call interrupted him while he was trying to figure out how to set up the miniature Christmas tree, and Ryeowook answered it immediately, seeing that it was Sungmin. After a few minutes of idle small talk, there was a lull in the conversation, during which Ryeowook remembered the one thing that had bothered him from the start.

“I know why you gave the cat to me, Minnie” Ryeowook told his best friend over the phone.

_“…Wookie, I--”_

“And I want to say thank you. I think… I think it has actually helped, in getting used to the idea, that… you know…” Ryeowook drew a long breath and released it before continuing, but still couldn’t help his voice shaking.

“That it really happened.”

There was a long silence over the phone, and Ryeowook could hear Sungmin sniffling a bit at the other end.

“ _I thought that there has to be something keeping you attached to life after he is gone. I know I’m not enough for that, nor are your parents. I’m right, aren’t I?”_

Ryeowook closed his eyes and chose not to answer. Sungmin already knew. He was barely holding onto life when Sungmin brought Mirae to him. Four months without anything. No hope, no despair, no nothing. Just the ever-present silence that was slowly suffocating him.

But finally having some company, a living, breathing creature that offered him warmth and understanding in its own way… It had made him realize that life can continue on afterwards. Maybe. Hopefully.

_“Nevertheless, we will be coming back for Christmas. I couldn’t let you spend your first Christmas alone”_ his friend’s gentle voice told him.

“…thank you, Minnie. It means a lot to me” Ryeowook smiled at his phone, despite knowing that his oldest friend couldn’t see it.

_“I know it isn’t the same, but it’s a start. Just…just hold on until that, okay?”_

“I will” Ryeowook promised and shut off his phone after saying his goodbyes. Then he returned to his task at hand, trying to solve the riddle that was the assembly instructions of the small Christmas tree, but next one to disturb his work was Mirae. She pushed herself against Ryeowook’s hands, begging to be petted, until after few minutes of struggle Ryeowook finally gave up with a chuckle and sat down on the carpet with her.

“You know girl, day after tomorrow it’s going to be a year after we found out about it.”

Mirae gave him a curious look, cocking her head to the side while Ryeowook continued.

“He had had a cough for a long time, but we never thought much about it. It was fall after all, and everyone was down with a small cold ever so often. But when it had been going on over a month, I urged him to go to a doctor. He didn’t want to at first, stubborn as he was, so I finally dragged him there myself. And then I almost wished I hadn’t.”

Ryeowook continued to stroke the fine fur on Mirae’s back, his eyes glazed over and staring into somewhere far away. Mirae had moved from the floor to Ryeowook’s lap, purring gently against his stomach as her master revealed his heart to her.

“They always make cancer seem to dramatic in the movies. Blood from the mouth, fainting, vomiting… He only got very weak gradually, and even that was because of the drugs, not just the disease. Still, bit by bit, I knew I was losing him, and we started making our peace with it. Made our wills, bought him the kind of gravestone he wanted… It was so morbid, but at least in its own way it helped me cope. Deal with it in pieces.”

Small droplets fell on Mirae’s back, but even though she flinched, she didn’t move away. This was where she was needed.

“But then, that night… He was still walking on his own, still going to work as usual. I thought I had time. And then one drunk driver wiped it all away. Gone in a flash. The bastard even defended himself in court, _‘well lucky I didn’t hit anyone healthy!’_

I…I fell apart. Absolutely nothing mattered anymore. In his funeral I just sat there quietly, not able to feel anything. It was only after the nightmares came that I started crying again. Everything reminded, no, still reminds me of him, and whether he wanted it or not, he started pulling me with him into the darkness. I promised him, didn’t I? That I would always stay with him?”

Mirae waited patiently for her master’s sobs to seize, hoping that he would return to normal as he always did. It took a long, long while, but he did. As he started to dry up his tears, looking for a handkerchief in his pockets, Mirae rose up to give him a little kiss on the nose. Master Ryeowook had promised master Sungmin that they would meet for Christmas after all, and what Mirae had heard from master Sungmin was that their Wookie always kept his promises.

 

* * *

 

 

Saeun tried to calm her husband down, but it was all in vain: Ryeowook hadn’t answered any of his calls in 24 hours, and Sungmin was on the verge of losing it.

“Maybe he is just busy dear. You know he loves to cook for his friends.”

“ _Loved_. I’m not sure if the smaller loves matter now that the greatest one is gone” Sungmin sighed and rubbed his face, pacing around as the clock neared their agreed dinner time.

“He will come. He promised” Saeun replied.

As on cue, the doorbell rang, and Sungmin ran to open it, releasing a relieved cry after he found out who was standing behind it.

“Why on earth haven’t you answered my calls?!” he asked as he embraced the petite brunette standing on their porch, minding the small cat in his arms.

“I’m sorry Minnie. I couldn’t sleep so I was up all night making cakes and pastries for you and the neighbours” Ryeowook explained with a small smile, and lifted the bag on his other arm.

“Still can’t sleep, huh?” Sungmin sighed and took the bag from him so he could remove his coat.

“Actually, I sleep okay nowadays. Mirae keeps me good company. It’s just that I had decided to visit his grave today, so I was nervous the whole day yesterday.”

“…and? How was it?” Sungmin asked carefully.

“I brought him an evergreen wreath and his favourite wine. Tasted bitter, but what do I know about wines” Ryeowook chuckled.

“Answer me honestly Ryeowook. How are you?”

Ryeowook didn’t answer straight away, just watched as Mirae played with Saeun for a while.

“I will never be fine, Sungmin. Not completely. But I’m better. There are sounds and colours in my world again, and I must admit, I missed them. And now, instead of seeing him dying every night, I replay our sweetest memories, some which I thought I already lost, some of which I have always cherished. I can feel he is with me, even if only during those short dreams.”

Ryeowook turned to smile at Sungmin. It was the sad smile of a man, who had lost so much, but not everything. Not himself.

“He is waiting for me, and as tragic as it may be, I have to take the long route there. But it will make our reunion that much sweeter, don’t you think?”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello! This was originally written for a Kyuwook story book that never got published. Either way, it's still my fic and I want people to read it, so here it is. The ending was originally different, but I decided to go the more realistic road, so I'm sorry if I caused some crying. Please do leave kudos and maybe comment if you liked it!


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